April 26, 2010
I made a breakthrough last week. After threatening to do it for several months, I finally hitched up my britches and divorced the stock market. Now, this is no typical divorce – I will not split the proceeds 50/50. In fact, that lying, cheating, no good market stole several tens of thousands of dollars from me over the last three years. I am simply taking back what is rightfully mine.
The stock market is a lie. Anyone who watched the value of their stocks and/or mutual funds plummet in 2008 knows the market offers no better chances at wealth than Las Vegas does. I spent 18 years contributing to my ‘nest egg’ through 401K and IRA distributions, only to end up with LESS than my initial contributions, thanks to the self-proclaimed geniuses known as Mutual Fund Managers.
So on Wednesday, I kicked the stock market to the curb. Never again will I allow that temptress of evil to steal money from me. Instead, I have moved every penny I have left into a self-directed IRA. The key words there are “self” and “directed”. I’ve decided to put the asset management firm of MMI (Me, Myself, and I) in charge of my retirement. After 18 years in the stock market, I’ve learned MMI is the only money manager I’ve ever had that looked out for MY best interests.
Another thing I’ve learned over the last 18 years: I’m pretty good at real estate-related matters. In fact, I daresay I know far more about making money in real estate than mutual fund managers do about making money in the stock market.
So long, stock market. You teased me with the internet bubble of 2000, you tortured me with the housing crash of 2007-2008. I’m done playing your games, done making ‘the experts’ rich at the expense of me and my dependents. Go find some other sucker to lie to, cheat on, and steal from.
And no, I don’t want to hear about how it wasn’t your fault. I caught you in bed with Wall Street bankers and the Federal Reserve, and just about every other influence peddler out there. Don’t ever speak to me again. You’re dead to me.
Make it a great week, everyone.
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